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Today’s Big Stuff 5.19.22

Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman
Today’s Big Stuff 5.19.22
It’s Thursday. There are 173 days until the midterm elections (we got off a day). Some nazi dork says he’s voting for Republicans now, a lawless court destroys the administrative state and a big meeting for the VP.
Be advised: We use dirty words, and they’re the only words we spell rihgt.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! We’re Today’s Big Stuff, and we love you. We like to make jokes and cuss about politics and talk about how much we fucking hate fascist Republican scumbags. Why do we hate fascist Republican scumbags? Oh partially because of shit like this…
Manu Raju
231-192, the House approves $28 million to help FDA deal with baby formula shortage. All NO votes were Republicans and 12 GOP members voted for it. It now moves to the Senate
Republicans were like fuck them babies. That’s what we’re up against. They say you gotta have babies and then fuck them babies. Let ‘em starve. Even for some psycho killer American nazis, that is some cold-blooded shit. But it got worse…
Ben Siegel
The House voted 222-203 for @RepSchneider's bill to combat domestic terrorism.

Rep. Adam Kinzinger, R-Illinois, was the only Republican to vote in favor of the measure.

An earlier version of the bill passed unanimously in 2020.
Republicans also said fuck them ladies. So it’s fuck them babies and fuck them ladies. Damn. So yeah hope nobody is thinking about staying home on this one because this shit is fucking scary. They voted against fucking baby formula?! Goddamn that’s messed up. Y’all have a great day.
Note two: As we speak, President Biden is meeting with the heads of Sweden and Finland. They’re gonna join NATO because Putin is a fucking genius. Ya know, just like Trump. More: CNN
Note three: This mothefucker. Yeah, it’s good to see his addled ass finally admit the truth, but we sure as fuck ain’t laughing about it.
Michael Williams
Speaking in Dallas this afternoon, former President George. W Bush made a significant verbal slip-up while discussing the war in Ukraine.

He tried referencing what he described as the “wholly unjustified and brutal invasion” — but said Iraq, instead of Ukraine.
Note four: It only took two and a half years and a goddamn Russian invasion, but we finally got an ambassador to Ukraine. More: NBC News
Note five: We don’t talk enough about how Trump totally rigged the census, got away with it and now we’re stuck with bullshit numbers for the next decade. More: NPR
Note six: A group is pushing to disbar Ted Cruz. If it was us, we’d start with an exorcism and then a wedgie and then disbarment. But we like this too. More: NY Times
Note seven: Trump keeps screaming for “Dr.” Oz to cheat and claim victory and not one dumbfuck Trumper has realized that gives up the whole game. Or maybe they just don’t care. More: CNN
Note eight: Holy shit, the Senate is finally going to authorize $40 billion for Ukraine after Rand Paul held it up for a week. But it ain’t like he knows what it’s like to fight in a war. And getting your ass whooped by the neighbor doesn’t count. More: CNN
Note nine: Have y’all seen The Lost City with Sandra Bullock? It’s really fun. But it’s Sandra Bullock so you didn’t need us to tell you that.
Note 10: Biden went big for baby formula yesterday. Republicans who want babies to starve are gonna be pissed. More: NY Times
Note 11: Alrighty, SPs, let us get our hot asses on over to the news. We think the shorter notes section is working well, but y’all know we always want to hear from you. We hope y’all are having a great week. It’s almost over, so hang in there, you gorgeous freedom fighters.
Well bye
Elon Musk, who wouldn’t be shit if President Obama hadn’t helped him get Tesla going big, now says he’ll vote Republican because Democrats are no longer the party of “kindness.” LOL. Does anyone believe that? Well on behalf of Democrats everywhere, Elon, go fuck yourself. Go join the ranks of the Trump kissasses where you belong. All that money and still a complete fucking loser.
This seems bad
So basically we don’t have a Securities and Exchange Commission anymore. Yeah, the lawless Fifth Circuit has just been making shit up for a while now and yesterday they pretty much killed the administrative state. They are seriously just making shit up without regard for law or consequences. Like are we supposed to invest in the stock market after this shit?
Go VP!
While we’ve been enormously disappointed by Joe Biden’s muted response to the news that Roe is going down, we are delighted to see Vice President Harris picking up the ball and running with it. Today the VP will meet virtually with abortion providers, which is exactly the kind of offense we want to see. And the American people are with her. A new NPR poll finds that Democratic voters are fired up over the decision, and we now have a 47-42 lead on the generic ballot. The same poll found that the news made two-thirds of Democrats more likely to vote against 40 percent for Democrats.
Today’s clips
The 2022 stock market meltdown isn’t over yet. But investors don’t appear to be panicking at least. Stocks were mixed Thursday, following Wednesday’s massive sell-off.
More: CNN
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Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman
Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

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