Today's Big Stuff 4.22.22

Happy Friday. There are 201 days until the midterm elections. Kevin McCarthy is a filthy goddamn liar, Mark Meadows should be locked up and Tucker Carlson killed a lot of people. 

Be advised: By Friday, we are all out of fecks and spellchucks to give. 

Note: We made it, Sexy Patriots. It’s Friday. And while this week has seen more bullshit than a cow pasture crop-dusted with ExLax, we do believe it also represented something of a much-needed turning point. Early this week, we shared a video of Michigan state Sen. Mallory McMorrow bringing the heat and truth to some Republican trash who called her a groomer. Now we’re seeing what we hope is the McMorrow effect…

Yesssssss!!!! Do it, Joe! Let ‘em have it, baby! Take off your shirt and fight those fuckers in the mud! Stand in the rain pounding your chest and screaming “BRING IT ON, YOU SONSOFBITHES!” Show those dirty motherfuckers what a Biden bashin’ looks like!

We need it. We have to have it. Because what we’ve been seeing — or not seeing — from Democratic leadership is unsustainable. McMorrow’s sudden popularity is proof that Democratic voters are begging for their leaders to fight back against the right-wing threat, and leadership’s policy of pretending not to see it so they can talk about an infrastructure bill nobody knows about is just not something that can continue. 

So c’mon, Washington peeps, get your shit together, get angry and start talking your shit like Joltin’ Joe has. And if you need some help cussin’, we know just the sexy people. 

Note two: The hearing to decide whether Marjorie Taylor Gross can stay on the ballot is happening now. The hearing to decide whether she’s trash is over. She is. More: CNN

Note three: So we probably should have put this in the news section, but we couldn’t wait. Florida has completely gone to hell. Yesterday, Republican legislators actually cut the wifi as Democrats were protesting DeSantis’s plan to destroy Black congressional representation in the state. Maybe when DeSantis put a poll tax in place, the beltway media shouldn’t have been running to kiss his ass. We are seeing the next wave of fascist politicians and policies that is coming after Trump. Are we ready? More: Washington Post

Note four: Oh and there’s this…

Note five: Jamie Raskin said yesterday that the Jan. 6 hearings will “blow the roof off” the House. Ok, so let’s go. We love Raskin, but we feel like we’ve been hearing this for a while now and we are just not patient people. More: NBC News

Note six: Thank goodness these police officers are calling out Mike Lee’s bullshit. It ain’t like Punchbowl is gonna do it. Slt. Trib.

Note seven: Every time DOJ does something like this, we remember there’s a DOJ. More: Bloomberg

Note eight: We’re seeing reports that Don Jr. has “agreed” to talk to the Jan. 6 committee. Is it really an agreement if they just put out a really long line of cocaine that happens to lead to the committee room? More: NBC News

Note nine: He can say shit like this because he knows nobody in the press is gonna give him any shit for it. Hell, he asked Putin for a political favor like a week ago and the New York Times already forgot. 

Note 10: A lot of cops just aren’t even pretending anymore. More: LAist

Note 11: Russia sanctioned another 29 people yesterday, including Vice President Harris. Congratulations to the vice president. More: NBC News

Note 12: So as y’all know all too well by now, we are not lawyers. But this decision seems truly fucked up, and we’d love to understand why it was 8-1. More: CNN

Note 13: Thank you, Mr. President. 

Note 14: Y’all doing anything fun this weekend?

Note 15: The Republican primary in Ohio is too much fun. While real human person Tim Ryan is ready to rock n’ roll, Republicans are tearing themselves to pieces. More: Salon

Note 16: Hey, so France, we like to take weekends off around here. While we’re away, please don’t elect a fucking nazi. More: CNBC

Note 17: LOLOL. We can’t help it, but we’re starting to like this guy. What can we say? Nobody makes us laugh like he does.

Note 18: We just got the fact check back on that last note, and it was false. Turns out we still hate that piece of shit.

Note 19: So this seems like a good time to say something to our trans sexy patriots out there. We love you, we’re happy you’re being yourself and we will fight like hell to stop these cruel fuckers from making you feel less safe or less proud of who you are. They can all eat shit in hell. Hang in there. 

Note 20: Ok, SPs, to the news section we go. What a week. So much for the Sunday news shows to ignore. We hope y’all get a chance to relax and recharge. While we’re away, we will pass 200 days until the midterm elections. The clock is ticking on America. We can’t hit the snooze button. Love y’all!!!!

So Kevin McCarthy is a liar. Yeah, we knew that. But yesterday after two NYT reporters released some information they’d been keeping for their book — that McCarthy planned to ask Trump to resign after Jan. 6 — McCarthy’s spokesman said it wasn’t true. Then the NYT reporters brought out the tape of McCarthy saying just that. The new reporting this morning is Trump loving the tape because it shows just how much he owns McCarthy. These people are a fucking mess, y’all. More: NBC News

You know how we thought Mark Meadows was registered to vote in two different places including a North Carolina shack where he never once spent the night? Well it turns out he was actually registered to vote in three different states. And this was while he was trying to overturn an election because of voter fraud. So yeah, when the fuck does he go to jail? More: Washington Post

The people who railed against vaccines because they liked the politics of it can now sleep easy at night knowing they killed about a quarter of a million Americans. Yeah a new analysis says that a quarter of all U.S. COVID deaths (234,000 Americans) could have been prevented if they’d just gotten the fucking vaccine. Congrats to Trump, Tucker and the rest on this achievement. Fucking assholes. More: Washington Post

NO CLIPS HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND. 

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