Today's Big Stuff 11.6.22 Special Sunday Edition

#265・
12.9K

subscribers

283

issues

Subscribe to our newsletter

By subscribing, you agree with Revue’s Terms of Service and Privacy Policy and understand that Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman will receive your email address.

Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman
11.6.22 Special Sunday Edition
It’s Sunday. THERE ARE TWO MOTHERFLIPPIN’ DAYS UNTIL ELECTION DAY!!!
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s a good way to describe all the dumbshit motherfuckers out there.
Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are you holding up?! We’re sorry to bother you on a Sunday, but shit is tense and we figured y’all could use some cuss words. We’re not gonna talk about polls or candidates or any of the scary crap or even any of the encouraging crap. No, we’re just gonna tell you that we’re proud of you.
Look, these races are fucking close. It’s why we’re all so fucking stressed. But just remember that none of this was supposed to be close. The president always gets his ass whooped in the first midterm election. But that ain’t the case right now. Instead, it’s close as hell and nobody knows what the fuck is gonna happen. That’s because of you. Well, you and the IV of clown diarrhea Republicans have attached to this poor country’s arms. 
The big day is almost here, and we’re so fucking proud of y’all for giving it everything you’ve got and bringing home victory over all the awful dumbfucks. From the bottoms of our hearts, thank you! Now keep kicking ass and looking sexy doing it for two more days. Y’all are the fucking coolest, and we love you.  
Note two: Also, sigh yes we heard that rumor about “Dr.” Oz drinking Trump’s pee as a show of loyalty. It doesn’t sound true to us, but the internet is such a mess. We definitely heard the part about how Trump and his friends were shocked when Oz went beyond the required sip and guzzled as though he’d just emerged from weeks in the desert. Again, this sounds totally made up to us so we just wanted to tell y’all to be skeptical. Or believe it. It’s a free country. Love y’all. 
Note three: Speaking of Oz, please enjoy this Dark Brandon Dunk…

Acyn
Biden: I lived in Pennsylvania longer than Oz lived in Pennsylvania and I moved away when I was 10 years old https://t.co/MSeRZI7oUj
Note four: Please remember that even if the blue bird dies, the TBS, um, naughty eagle will continue to soar and cuss. Spread the word! 
Note five: So yeah, SPs, so apparently our company mascot is now the TBS Naughty Eagle. Hope that works for y’all. See you tomorrow. 
Support Today’s Big Stuff
If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.
Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.
Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.
So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.
So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.
Did you enjoy this issue? Yes No
Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman
Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

In order to unsubscribe, click here.
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here.
Created with Revue by Twitter.