Today's Big Stuff 11.6.22 Special Sunday Edition





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Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman
11.6.22 Special Sunday Edition
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s a good way to describe all the dumbshit motherfuckers out there.
Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are you holding up?! We’re sorry to bother you on a Sunday, but shit is tense and we figured y’all could use some cuss words. We’re not gonna talk about polls or candidates or any of the scary crap or even any of the encouraging crap. No, we’re just gonna tell you that we’re proud of you.
Look, these races are fucking close. It’s why we’re all so fucking stressed. But just remember that none of this was supposed to be close. The president always gets his ass whooped in the first midterm election. But that ain’t the case right now. Instead, it’s close as hell and nobody knows what the fuck is gonna happen. That’s because of you. Well, you and the IV of clown diarrhea Republicans have attached to this poor country’s arms. 
The big day is almost here, and we’re so fucking proud of y’all for giving it everything you’ve got and bringing home victory over all the awful dumbfucks. From the bottoms of our hearts, thank you! Now keep kicking ass and looking sexy doing it for two more days. Y’all are the fucking coolest, and we love you.  
Note two: Also, sigh yes we heard that rumor about “Dr.” Oz drinking Trump’s pee as a show of loyalty. It doesn’t sound true to us, but the internet is such a mess. We definitely heard the part about how Trump and his friends were shocked when Oz went beyond the required sip and guzzled as though he’d just emerged from weeks in the desert. Again, this sounds totally made up to us so we just wanted to tell y’all to be skeptical. Or believe it. It’s a free country. Love y’all. 
Note three: Speaking of Oz, please enjoy this Dark Brandon Dunk…

Biden: I lived in Pennsylvania longer than Oz lived in Pennsylvania and I moved away when I was 10 years old
Note four: Please remember that even if the blue bird dies, the TBS, um, naughty eagle will continue to soar and cuss. Spread the word! 
Note five: So yeah, SPs, so apparently our company mascot is now the TBS Naughty Eagle. Hope that works for y’all. See you tomorrow. 
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Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman
Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

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