11.6.22 Special Sunday Edition
It’s Sunday. THERE ARE TWO MOTHERFLIPPIN’ DAYS UNTIL ELECTION DAY!!!
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s a good way to describe all the dumbshit motherfuckers out there.
Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are you holding up?! We’re sorry to bother you on a Sunday, but shit is tense and we figured y’all could use some cuss words. We’re not gonna talk about polls or candidates or any of the scary crap or even any of the encouraging crap. No, we’re just gonna tell you that we’re proud of you.
Look, these races are fucking close. It’s why we’re all so fucking stressed. But just remember that none of this was supposed to be close. The president always gets his ass whooped in the first midterm election. But that ain’t the case right now. Instead, it’s close as hell and nobody knows what the fuck is gonna happen. That’s because of you. Well, you and the IV of clown diarrhea Republicans have attached to this poor country’s arms.
The big day is almost here, and we’re so fucking proud of y’all for giving it everything you’ve got and bringing home victory over all the awful dumbfucks. From the bottoms of our hearts, thank you! Now keep kicking ass and looking sexy doing it for two more days. Y’all are the fucking coolest, and we love you.
Note two: Also, sigh yes we heard that rumor about “Dr.” Oz drinking Trump’s pee as a show of loyalty. It doesn’t sound true to us, but the internet is such a mess. We definitely heard the part about how Trump and his friends were shocked when Oz went beyond the required sip and guzzled as though he’d just emerged from weeks in the desert. Again, this sounds totally made up to us so we just wanted to tell y’all to be skeptical. Or believe it. It’s a free country. Love y’all.
Note three: Speaking of Oz, please enjoy this Dark Brandon Dunk…