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Today's Big Stuff 11.10.22

Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman
11.10.22
It’s Thursday. There are 726 days until the next election. Cautiously optimistic about the Senate, shocked to be in a battle for the House and everyone should be paying attention to Gretchen Whitmer. 
Be advised: This newsletter cusses like Trump loses — all the goddamn time!!!
Note: Well howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you? Got a bit of a spring in your step, a gleam in your eye and some hope in your heart? Yeah, us too. Mostly because we still think that human crapstain Lauren Boebert is going down. But even if she doesn’t, this election season has been way more fun than we ever expected. In fact, we mostly expected to start smoking gain and sweat until we were dehydrated.
But neither of those things happened! 

Beautiful, ain’t it? Well the finger-pointing in the Republican Party has already begun, and we just got lucky enough to catch a snippet of a conference call between Kevin McCarthy and Donald Trump that will shock you….
DT: Well you’ve really done it now, bitch boy.
KM: I’m sorry, sir. I’ll do better.
DT: No you won’t. I’m done with you. I’m putting Marjorie in charge.
MTG: Um sir, Marjorie here. I’m even dumber than Kevin is and I smell twice as bad so that’s probably a mistake.
DT: Why do you smell so bad?
MTG: I eat a bowl of your shit every morning to be great again. 
DT: That’s gross. You’re gross. 
KM: I can try to do better, sir.
DT: Why am I surrounded by fucking dumbfucks?
KM: Because you’re a dumbfuck, sir. And only other dumbfucks think you’re smart. 
DT: Well goddamnit. Maybe I should stop being the fucking worst.
Wow! Can you believe how honest they were? Yeah, us neither. Ok so maybe that’s not real. But don’t you think that’s probably how it’s going? LOL
Note two: With 99 percent reporting, there are only 64 fucking votes separating Lauren Boebert from challenger Adam Frisch. Bring it home, AF! 
Note three: Twitter is on fire. We don’t mean it’s really popular. We mean there’s smoke coming out of the building and it will be ash soon. We’ll let y’all know about our mastodon accounts or other stuff we do, but you can always find us here at TBS.
Note four: Elon also has caught the attention of Dark Brandon. Bad move, Elon. More: CBS News
Note five: Yesterday was a very bad day for both the press and Trump. So it was good to see Dark Brandon laugh at both of them.
Acyn
Biden’s reaction to hearing Trump’s movement being described as politically strong https://t.co/WzqUKinM5b
Note six: GEORGIA! GEORGIA! GEORGIA! That’s where our focus is right now. Regardless of what happens in Nevada or Arizona, we have to have a laser focus on beating Herschel Walker. Y’all with us? More: CNN
Note seven: Matt Gaetz put out a tweet today attacking McConnell, McCarthy and Ronna Not-Romney. LOL. This might be fun. NO LINK
Note eight: Donald Trump spent the day Tuesday lying about the process and yelling “Protest!” Except no one did. Because he sucks. Washington Post
Note nine: You know which Democrat is doing the best in Arizona? The one who ran against election denier Mark Finchem. So these middle fingers are for every pundit who thought Democrats were talking about democracy too much. More: KTAR
Note 10: We’re glad someone said this…
Note 11: So this Navy dude and his wife were sentenced to like 20 years for trying to sell classified information. So when is Trump joining them in the clink? More: CNN
Note 12: OJ Simpson says he will… NOPE… but he says he’s… NOPE. Look, we don’t give two shits what that asshole says he’s doing. We’re not reporting it here. 
Note 13: Mike Pence had a book excerpt in the Wall Street Journal yesterday. It was exactly as pathetic as you would expect. Maybe tomorrow’s TBS will also have an excerpt from Mike Pence’s book. Hmmmm. NO LINK
Note 14: The US military says that about 100,000 Russian troops have been killed or injured in Ukraine. The same is true for Ukraine, who has also lost about 40,000 civilians. All because a broken evil man wanted war. Slava Ukraine. More: Associated Press
Note 15: Y’all, we are plum fucking excited for Gen Z to start shaking shit up. Welcome to Congress, Mr. Frost.
NowThis
Democrat Maxwell Frost has won the election for the U.S. House in Florida's 10th Congressional District. Meet the 25-year-old who will officially become the first Gen Z member of Congress. https://t.co/SnIAgs1xx5
Note 16: We’re going all caps for this one — DID YOU SEE THAT TRUMP IS BLAMING MELANIA OVER HIS ENDORSEMENT OF OZ?! THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER!!! OR IT WOULD BE IF SHE REPLIED THAT SHE STOLE THE IDEA FROM MICHELLE!!! LOLOL!!! WHAT A FUCKING LOSER!!!
Note 17: Putin is skipping the G20 because everyone hates him for being a murderous piece of shit. Oh well. More: CNN
Note 18: South Dakota voted to expand Medicaid. That brings us to 40 states that give a shit about their people. More: NBC News
Note 19: Nebraska voted to raise the minimum wage to $15. And Colorado decriminalized psychedelics! We’re still freaking out about some races, but democracy held and shrooms are cool so this might have actually been a pretty fucking great election!
Note 20: And on that weird note, let’s go do some news. We sure hope y’all are recovering from a tense few days. If you’re like us, you’re still hitting refresh on some key races like every two seconds, but for now it certainly appears that our worst nightmares have been delayed for the moment. That thing you’re feeling is called relief:) Have a great day, SPs.
Yay?
So we’re not gonna celebrate just yet, but prognosticators in both Arizona and Nevada seem to think we’re on track to win the Senate seats there in painfully close races. Sen. Catherine Cortez Masto pulled ahead last night and Mark Kelly has been ahead but his lead is shrinking. If we bring those seats home, that will really take the pressure off Georgia. But we still really need Georgia. Deep breaths, y’all. More: Huff Post
Oh this is interesting
And ain’t nobody called the House for Republicans because it’s just too close. We still look likely to lose control by just a few seats, but goddamn that is sure gonna make things miserable for McCarthy. Keep the faith, y’all! More: NO LINK
Big Gretch
So since the pathetic beltway media that just fucked up everything is now moving on to kissing the sorry ass of one Ron DeShitbreath, we thought we would do their jobs for them and tell you about how amazing Gretchen Whitmer is. You might remember Big Gretch as the governor who was the target of a kidnapping and assassination plot that the mainstream media largely ignored. Well Big Gretch just beat the shit out of her Republican challenger in Michigan, and she carried a buttload of Democrats along with her. Big Gretch is a big fucking badass, and we are fans. Maybe someday the New York Times will notice. More: MSNBC
Today’s clips
Kayleigh McEnany, a former Trump White House press secretary and now a personality on the conservative network Fox News, on Wednesday urged Donald Trump to postpone his announcement of a 2024 presidential run. More: Huff Post
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Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman
Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

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