Today’s Big Stuff 11.1.22

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Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman
Today’s Big Stuff 11.1.22
It’s Tuesday. THERE IS ONE EFFING WEEK UNTIL ELECTION DAY!!! We are never seeing Trump’s tax returns, Elon is Team Insurrection and the truly horrifying revelations about the attack on the Pelosis. 
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. For example, we might write HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S ROE-VEMBER, Y’ALL! 
Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the effing heck are you this fine Tuesday? What? We didn’t hear you. Yeah, we’re just not feeling your excitement and enthusiasm and endless desire to make right-wing scumbags eat loads and loads of shit. So we’ve enlisted some help from a genie friend of ours and ZAP…
Us: ARE YOU FUCKING FIRED UP AND READY TO SAVE DEMOCRACY?!
You: Um how the fuck did my cussing newsletter get in my kitchen?
Us: THAT DOESN’T SOUND FIRED UP TO US! LET US HEAR YOU!
You: Seriously how the hell did you get in here?
Us: DO YOU WANT MITCH MCCONNELL AND KEVIN MARJORIE BOEBERT CALLING THE SHOTS?!
You: Well obviously not but that doesn’t excuse this unsetting intrusion.
Us: SO ARE YOU READY TO BRING THIS MOTHERFUCKER HOME AND SAVE THIS COUNTRY?!
You: Oh fuck it. HELL YEAH I’M READY TO BRING THIS MOTHERFUCKER HOME AND SAVE THIS COUNTRY!
Us: FUCK YEAH!!!!!
You: FUCK YEAH!!!!!
Us: FUCK YEAH!!!
You: Ok seriously you gotta get the hell out of my house. 
And we’re back at TBS HQ. Wow, what a whirlwind. Thanks, genie friend. And thank you, Sexy Patriot, for getting all fired up and not calling the cops on us. But we wouldn’t have said no to some coffee. Anyway, we’ve got a week to save this country, you beautiful mofos. Y’all ready?

Note two: Genie friend? We might be cracking up a little. 
Note three: We got an update yesterday from Speaker Pelosi…
Nancy Pelosi
Since the horrific attack on Paul early Friday, we have been deluged with thousands of messages conveying concern, prayers and warm wishes. We are most grateful.

Thanks to the excellent team at @ZSFGCare, Paul is making steady progress on what will be a long recovery process.
Note four: Good news, everybody! You know how armed and masked lunatics are staking out drop boxes in Arizona? Well Merrick “Rambo” Garland’s DOJ says it’s probably illegal. Yeah, sorry if you thought the DOJ was gonna protect you or your right to vote. It’s way too chickenshit. More: Washington Post 
Note five: What would America look like right now if we hadn’t responded to an attack on the Capitol by making a warm glass of milk attorney general?
Note six: Holy shit that new documentary about the Falwells and the Pool Boy is now available on Hulu. It is truly fucked up. You’re gonna love it.
Note seven: Some good news — a DC court just rejected Giuliani’s attempt to throw out the lawsuit filed by Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss. Don’t worry, y’all. We’re only like another 30 years from some accountability.
Note eight: We love our president. Hope y’all had a Happy Halloween!
The Recount
"Hey, man, I like your shades! ... Top Gun!"

— President Biden hands out Halloween candy to trick-or-treaters at the White House https://t.co/v6EPVxTAKJ
Note nine: Remember how Ron DeSantis tricked some Black people into voting and then arrested them for voter fraud? Well now he has changed the form people have to fill out. We’re guessing those other folks are gonna get their charges dropped because this was always some Jim Crow bullshit. More: MSN
Note 10: Are we the only ones who didn’t get any fucking fentanyl in our candy last night? We were promised drugs, goddamnit. 
Note 11: One of the women Herschel Walker pressured to get an abortion said she felt threatened. But Walker didn’t have a stroke, so the press doesn’t give a shit. More: ABC News
Note 12: Thank you to Gov. Gavin Newsom for calling out Fox News and the Republican Party for fostering the attack on the Pelosis. We didn’t know Democrats were allowed to do that. More: HuffPost
Note 13: Lauren Boebert endorsed Sarah Palin, which is crazy because we’re pretty sure they’re the same batshit nuts person. NO LINK
Note 14: This from SCOTUS’s hearing on affirmative action yesterday. Expect a very cruel and very corrupt court to take a wrecking ball to it. Have we mentioned lately that John Roberts can suck a fart out of our asses? No? Well we’ll have to spend some time on that. 
Marc E. Elias
Every law firm that practices before the Supreme Court needs to read this and explain how they are going to address this. Every client should do the same. https://t.co/9jDcYTBHSY
Note 15: Have you voted yet? Do you have a plan? What about the friends and family who are like oh great here comes Mr/Mrs. Democracy to remind me to vote again? Bug the shit out of them. For America.
Note 16: If you haven’t seen this takedown of Herschel Walker, we highly recommend it.
No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen
Wow. This dismantling of Herschel Walker by Pastor @jamalhbryant is incredible. https://t.co/QhCaNjTuaJ
Note 17: Wow! Taylor Swift has the whole Top 10?! That’s insane. Also, it’s us. Hi. We’re the problem. It’s us.
Note 18: Hillary Clinton’s legal team is asking for sanctions against Trump and his lawyers for that bullshit lawsuit that got laughed out of court. Git ‘im. More: Law and Crime
Note 19: Yesterday Joe Biden called for a windfall tax on price-gouging oil companies. A press corps that spends all day every day telling us gas prices are the most important thing in the history of the world didn’t find Biden’s announcement all that important. More: CNN
Note 20: We hate to end on a sour note, but we spent all night in the pumpkin patch and we didn’t see no goddamn Great Pumpkin. It breaks our hearts to say this, but that little Linus fella is full of shit.
Note 21: Alright, SPs and your genie friends, let’s go do some news. Y’all holding up ok? We’ve got one week, so let’s make that motherfucker count. Love y’all!
Moderate John
A broken and corrupt Supreme Court granted an administrative stay to Trump to keep the House from getting Trump’s tax returns, something that is clearly in the law and something that started four fucking years ago. We want to believe that Trump will some day rot in jail for his crimes against this country. This tax return bullshit and this broken court make that really hard to do. They wanted to run out the clock, and they pretty much have. 
More: CNN
Fucking yikes
Elon is somehow worse than we thought, and we already thought he was what shit shits out. He has fired all the people who label misinformation, he went out of his way to help a Jan. 6 scumbag yesterday and he of course has not apologized for that sick Pelosi bullshit. Musk has made clear he hates American democracy and loves the scum trying to end it. If y’all can’t find us on his hell site, you can always find us here at TBS. 
Sick fucks
Republicans continued to make fun of the Speaker and her husband even after we learned yesterday that the man said he wanted to “break her kneecaps” so she would have to use a wheelchair in the Capitol and serve as a warning to other Democratic officials. We are seeing a truly terrifying reaction from a political party that loves the violence and a press corps that doesn’t give a shit. We know from yesterday that DOJ has brought federal charges in what was clearly a politically motivated assassination attempt. Sending love to the Pelosi family. 
Today’s clips
Perhaps Mehmet Oz could use a map ― the GOP nominee for senator in Pennsylvaniamistakenly grouped the Keystone State with those bordering the ocean. More: HuffPost
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Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman
Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

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