Today's Big Stuff by Adam Parkhomenko & Sam Youngman

By Adam Parkhomenko and Sam Youngman

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

The way the news should sound when the whole fucking world is on fire.

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#203・

Special Edition: Today's Big Stuff 8.6.22

Today’s Big Stuff Post-Scream EditionIt’s Saturday. There are 94 days until the midterm elections. Be advised: We cuss and sometimes get words all ficked up.Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! We’re sorry to bug you on a Saturday, but we just wanted to thank everyone w…

#202・

Today’s Big Stuff 8.5.22

Note: HAPPY SCREAM DAY, SEXY PATRIOTS!!! It’s finally here! Today at 1 pm ET is the Great American Scream. As we’ve said from the beginning, this is either a great idea to help us all blow off some steam, or it’s a great way to spread a virus and accelerate k…

#201・

Today’s Big Stuff 8.4.22

Note: Sexy Patriots! Are you ready to SCREAM?!!!!!! Tomorrow is the big day as we at TBS are ready to kick off the Great American Scream tomorrow afternoon at 1 pm ET. Now we will straight up admit this might be one of our dumbest idea. But you know what? We …

#200・

Today's Big Stuff 8.3.22

Now you’ll hear the a-holes and the haters poking holes in what this means. So allow us to tell you what it means — It’s fucking Kansas, y’all. Trump won there by like 15 points full-on pandemic (yeah we know) and just a couple short months before he violentl…

#199・

Today’s Big Stuff 8.2.22

Note: Well howdy, Sexy Patriots! Welcome to the Tuesday TBS. We see you’ve decided to join us while being all sexy and patriotic. Fantastic choice. Today we will be offering a valuable service in addition to immature jokes and lots and lots of cuss words. Yes…

#198・

Today's Big Stuff 8.1.22

Wow. Even for that bath-salts-Succession, incestuous, evil, shit-for-brains leaking diaper of a family, that is some truly fucked up shit. And yeah, we used Rupert’s Post on purpose just to drive home how genuinely fucking insane that is. So are we pointing o…

#197・

Today’s Big Stuff 7.29.22

Note: Sexy Patriots! We did it! It’s Friday! We made it to the weekend! So what’s on tap for us? Oh a little easy reading. We thought we’d pick up Josh Hawley’s new book, which is called… “Manhood.” LOLOL.

 
#196・

Today's Big Stuff 7.28.22

So what the fuck do we do now? Like are we supposed to apologize to Manchin because that just ain’t really our style and we really fucking don’t wanna. Maybe we should just take a moment to celebrate. But only after it passes. If we know our party like we thi…

 
#195・

Today’s Big Stuff 7.27.22

Note: How in the hell is it only Wednesday, Sexy Patriots? Doesn’t it feel like this week has lasted a month. We swear the pandemic has turned the concept of time into a melted Stretch Armstrong doll. (We could’ve gone with Dali there, but we’re just not that…

#194・

Today’s Big Stuff 7.26.22

Note: Well hey there, Sexy Patriots! How in the wide world of sports are you? That good, huh? Yeah, us too. But hey, we’ve got something to warm your heart and inspire all you romantics out there. This is a story about a wedding and a parent’s love. And who d…

#193・

Today's Big Stuff 7.25.22

Fuck! We wanted in on those laughs! Like this is what we fucking train for! So we were in a pretty serious funk about this shit, and then it hit us — there will be plenty of opportunities to make fun of gutless treasonous piece of shit Republicans. There is a…

 
#192・

Today's Big Stuff 7.21.22

Yeah. So we’re thinking this might be a good time to build a wall at the Florida state line. We can’t have this shit infecting the whole country. It’s like if a pandemic had sex with a horse it was related to. Or maybe we should just build a wall around that …

#191・

Today's Big Stuff 7.20.22

LOLOL. Yeah, it’s summer, and that means the Trump kiss ass who swears he kept his underwear on while getting a massage at Jeffrey Epstein’s house (gag) is crying to anyone who will listen that he’s been ostracized on Martha’s Vineyard. And tell you the truth…

 
#190・

Today's Big Stuff 7.19.22

LOL. Ok, Joey Shitforbrains, let’s be real fucking clear about something — everybody hates you. We hate you so much for your stupidity and your corruption, that we channeled Dr. fucking Seuss just to make sure there is no confusion…Joe Manchin can go fuck him…

 
#189・

Today’s Big Stuff 7.18.22

Note: Sexy Patriots! How in the wide world of sports are y’all today? Mondays sure do suck goat ass, but they suck goat ass a little less when we get to be with you. So how are we? Well, not so good. We woke up, smoked a shitload of meth, ate a rotting possum…

#188・

Today's Big Stuff 7.15.22

Well goddamn. This feels like more than a Senate campaign. This feels like Fetterman is settling a decades-old family feud. It also feels new. A Democrat who’s not afraid of going on offense. We’re seeing it more and more in the states, and we really really r…

#187・

Today's Big Stuff 7.14.22

So fucking gross. But yeah we’re hanging on by a thread, baby, and that thread is a deranged lunatic driving a tank over a textbook in his latest war crime of a campaign ad. The crazier those sonsofbitches get, the better we look. We might be boring as fuck a…

#186・

Today's Big Stuff 7.13.22

Awwww. Wasn’t that just moving and touching and all kinds of warm feels and shit? Yeah, we didn’t fucking think so either. That’s why we’re proud to announce the launch of a new company called Fuck Your Apology Inc. Yeah, anytime one of these Trump dingleberr…

#185・

Today’s Big Stuff 7.12.22

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Ready for some Jan. 6 hearing nuttiness today? Us too. The hearings have been so well done that we’ve gotten to where we mark them on our calendars and really look forward to them. They are intense as hell though. If you need to st…

#184・

Today's Big Stuff 7.11.22

Good lord would you look at those two. It’s like Kid Rock took a shit on American Gothic. And, Sexy Patriots, you know we got an exclusive fake interview with these degenerate losers. So please welcome Ricky and Delilah Taintmouth. TBS: Hi, welcome to the sho…