September 16, 2022
I wanted to let you know that I got your letter on Tuesday. Just seeing your handwriting on the outside of the envelope made my heart skip a beat. I couldn’t wait to get upstairs to read it. You inspire me in ways I could never explain.
You are correct, on a couple of things. Yes, I intended to take my holiday and I even shut my alarm off the night before but low and behold, the dogs alarms could not be muted. Duke was ready bright and early and since I was already up and my mind had already started to spin, I gave in to my desire to ease the pain by heading straight into work. I am so blessed that I work in a profession that demands 100% focus on the numbers. It is the only way as of today that gives me the rest I need. I’m still working on a solution though.
You were correct on another very important detail. It was even that more hilarious after I read your theory of our demise together – hahaha – I was literally having to wipe the tears away from my eyes in order to keep reading. It was a bit of a struggle as my focus kept being interrupted by another laughing outburst that required me to take off my glasses and wipe away the cheerful tears as I got to your last sentence…..
“There’s that laugh I love so much!”
This is the inspiration that I speak of so often. There you are, in your own HELL and you still crack jokes. It surprises me that I have not been tempted to give up or give in as this battle can sometimes feel in vain but I know the reason I don’t is because of this inspiration.
I was talking to a coworker this week about a story that I remember reading years and years ago about a triathlon trainee. It inspired me back then and I find it even that more important now. She explained how her greatest fear was giving up. Giving in to those voices inside her head that tell her it is okay to slow down. It is okay stop when it feels uncomfortable and try again tomorrow. As a way to ensure her success in the training which would ultimately be her success in the race, she would start to swim out into the ocean. She wouldn’t turn around to swim back until her body and mind told her she could no longer go one more inch. At this point, she would turn around and look at the beach that seemed a million miles away. At this point, literally out of breath and exhausted she would be faced with a very clear, black and white choice. Swim or drown. She went on to describe what then took place emotionally and spiritually as her mind, body and spirit burst into survival mode. It was a type of adrenaline rush that can rarely be described. One second, all hope seems lost and the next, it was almost like a superhero power took hold with an explosion of energy that catapulted her towards the shoreline. The exhaustion was still there of course but she always had the endurance to LIVE! She did this over and over through her training and probably still does to this day if she is still competing.
So, my dear husband, the moral of my recount of her story is I will not give up. I will always push myself harder today than I did yesterday and I will push even harder tomorrow. I will be here with you throughout this entire ordeal and both of us will be stronger for it. I will continue to tell this story regardless of how many or how few choose to listen. “IT ONLY TAKES ONE!!!!!”
Here is a little tidbit of information that should make you smile. It has been about 3 weeks since I sent the last letter to the Governors office with my request that they not waste their paper on their automatic, pre-written template since I now had 7 identical responses from them. Most of the dates of their automatic letters were within 4 to 5 days of my dates. I have not received their letter template this time. The fact that they didn’t reply means nothing to me. The fact that my request for them to save their paper means that my letter was read. 😊 I’m good with that.
Although I pray for miracles, I don’t demand them and I respect God’s timing. You and I will endure as this has also got to be his plan?
You also need to know that I too have plans on treating you as my King for the rest of our lives together. You are the kindest, most sincere man I have ever met in my life and you are worth every second. It’s difficult to breathe out here without you but I don’t feel intimidated or defeated. I have been blessed with the ability to see our future as clearly as I see today. I feel it. With every fiber in my body – I feel it. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and Wow! I find myself thanking God for everything I have been through in my past that has prepared me for today. I also thank him for bringing me to you as he allowed me to feel what true love and devotion is. Most people only dream of meeting their Prince Charming. I actually have him! I have not lost him to a twisted judicial system, he is only outside of my grasp for the time being.
I love you Mark Ivie! I love everything about you! I say again, Thank You for everything you did that fateful night. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG and I will keep shouting this from the rooftops! I am so grateful that you have always protected me, our children and our rights to live free of violence. Please don’t ever forget that they came to our home. They came to commit violence against our son. They did this. You were only keeping your family safe. The recent threat towards Janelle proves who they are and what they were capable of. We do not have control over the evil in this world but we do have control to keep it out of our lives and that is exactly what you were doing and God knows it!!!
I am so excited that we are getting closer and closer to personal visits. I am so looking forward to your embrace. I am so exhausted that it won’t surprise me if I just pass out in your arms. 😊 Just make sure and wake me up because I don’t want to miss any second!
I pray that today will be a happy day for you. I pray that my letters give you strength as yours do to me. Even knowing that your journals represent your letters to me gives me strength. I love you so much!!!
Your devoted wife,