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OneSidedJustice "Against All Odds - Being You!" - Issue #22

Nicole Ivie
Nicole Ivie
“He was so impressed with the man who held him so tightly. He went on and on about how strong you were. He was so happy to see the man that he knew you to be standing there, against all odds, being you. ”

November 1, 2022
Good morning Babe,
Can you believe it is already November? I have never been so happy to have time fly so quickly. I am so grateful that we get to talk so often once again. I can’t even begin to explain what it does for me when I see you come up on the caller ID. My phone has become my lifeline. I also look so forward to our video calls. I was so happy that Mom was able to show you a clearer picture of B but I still put the picture in this letter so you can see them even better. I made sure to fit all of your grandkids and their Halloween costumes in a collage so you can hang it up. You just have too many grandkids to fit on 1 page so you got 2. 😊
I am going to admit to you that keeping up with your holiday rule is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I just want to go to sleep and wake up sometime in January. Hahaha. But, for you and for these kids, I will do my best. ❤ It helps knowing that I have scheduled our in person visits near each holiday. If I had my way, I would check myself in with you. Happily!
I know I have told you over the phone but I want to put it in this letter so you can read it over and over on those days that you need to remind yourself. D’s visit with you was so wonderful. I know it was so hard to support him knowing your options were limited but I want to remind you that his tears had so many different meanings. He was so impressed with the man who held him so tightly. He went on and on about how strong you were. He was so happy to see the man that he knew you to be standing there, against all odds, being you. Yes, we had a conversation about how he knew you had lost your will to fight after the arrest and throughout the entire two years before you chose to allow your legal team to convince you to take a plea. And yes, he wished as I did that you could have chosen to fight but you need to understand that even he, as your youngest child empathized with why you did what you did. He too completely understood that you, even in your darkest depression still found the ability to protect your family. He was so compassionate with the understanding that the odds were completely against you given the mentality of our chosen community. He seems to be absolutely content with your choice given your mental state for all of that time but you do need to hear that he was so confident when he stated, “No-one could have forced him to take a plea today because he has his fight back.”
I don’t tell you this to make you regret your decision, I tell you this so you can feel completely vindicated when you look back over the past couple of years. What has happened to you should be criminal against those who manipulated the system. You were a victim of 6 very violent criminals and you were a victim of unfathomable circumstances. Very few in your situation would have had the ability to work so hard over the two years you were given to prepare your entire family for the hardships that would follow during your potential incarceration. As I look back now, knowing how deeply depressed you were, you still went out there and worked like a dog for us. You didn’t lay down to lick your wounds and you were able to hide the majority of your fears away from nearly everyone. Not one time did it appear that you were thinking of anyone but your family! As D sat in that room with you, having the ability to look into your eyes for the first time in more than 5 months, he saw that “his Dad was back!” He saw your strength in every color imaginable.
I tell you all of this so you can find peace in knowing that you may have made the correct decision. You were told you had severe PTSD. You did and you still do but you were probably not, at that time, able to fight as it would have been required of you. D made another comment that has been eating me alive. I will have to admit that I know why it is eating me alive today and that is because I knew it back then but like many other situations, I didn’t greet it head on as I should have. You and I had many simple conversations about it but I think I allowed myself to believe that you and I were on the same page. Now I tell you what I should have made a point to discuss with you over and over as you were struggling so dreadfully for so long.
You and I have been through difficult times with each of our children in one way or another. Some of these times of difficulty never made us question “our parenting” skills. Those were the easy issues because we were always able to step in and “help” those situations with clarity and compassion. You and I both know that there have been other “difficult times” where we did question every single move. Every step we took was met with caution and sometimes conflict. But!!!….. I believe we came together as a team and kicked butt!!!! “Proof is in the pudding!”
I know that during the two years we waited and were so excited for trial, I may have been looking at things a little differently than you did because I was not involved in the actual event. I did not go through what you went through and did not have the trauma that you faced. D said that “he knew the reason you lost your fight was because you felt guilty for being the one to take the gun outside and that you blamed yourself for the situation that your son was in because you allowed the opposite side to manipulate your thoughts.”
His comment floored me because for the first time, I allowed myself to admit that I had always known this. I allowed myself to believe that I could fight for you. I sat there for two years believing that I would be able to sit on that stand for you and tell your story with the compassion that I still tell it today. I was living in a fairytale land. What I should have done instead of allowing you “time” to decompress as you refused to talk about anything is forced you to face everything just like I did the night you told me that you were going to agree with your attorneys and allow them to write up your plea with the DA. That night was the first time I saw some of your fight back but it was too late because your legal team had already decided “you couldn’t mentally or physically be the witness they needed”. But I NEED you to remember that not one of them knew the real you. They were introduced to the “broken” you from day one.
You did not create, nor did you contribute to the events of that night. Our son took his part and even that was not your fault. Nor was it my fault. You were thrown into a situation that NEVER happens. It just doesn’t! No matter how you choose to spin the events of that night, you had no hand in our son’s participation in bringing these 6 to our home just as the parents of these 6 had no hand in them being at our home. That is ridiculous! Free will exists and it was alive and well that fateful night! As a parent, you were spot on! 6 men! 6 men! That says it all. You want to feel guilty for handing your son a gun? Why, because you feel that you shouldn’t have brought it out? SERIOUSLY!!!! 6 men! You know damn well what they would have done to you if you hadn’t have had that gun for the 4 ½ minutes you were holding it demanding that they leave. They were not intimidated by the gun. Do you really believe they would have been intimidated by just you? I know you don’t believe that. I know you know exactly what would have happened. I know you also know what would have happened if you had not jumped in to stop another attack. They had already proven that they were not willing to leave until both of you could no longer get back up. Your lack of choices that night were not your fault! The fault lies with the criminals that would not leave! Each and every one of them would have done the exact same thing our son did once they got their hands on the gun. Every single one of them. That does not mean you did not have the right to utilize our years and years of preparation for self defense for a situation exactly like this! I pray every day and every night that you gain the strength to deny any guilt that continues. I continue to be grateful for every action you did because I believe that it saved our sons life. I will always be grateful for your courage and your sacrifice. I love you!!!!
~Forever! Nicole
3 1/2 - 7 Years in Prison for Protecting His Family !
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Nicole Ivie
Nicole Ivie

Personal Letters mailed to Mark Ivie - Inmate #QPxxxx

This Is Not Easy

Publishing my personal letters to my husband is not easy. If I wasn't fighting such a devastating fight, I wouldn't even have to consider it. But my goal is for you, the reader to know who we are. To know that we are very real, caring and loving individuals who are facing an unbelievable nightmare. So, here you go - my heart on my sleeve.

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