I had a really sad week. A few days ago, 30+ of the Koi fish in my pond got attacked by (we believe) a group of otters. We woke up to a pond with half mangled fish, some finless, tail-less, mouthless and half eaten bodies. We were left shocked, hurt, confused and honestly, a little traumatized. The worst thing was, there was absolutely no trace of what has happened because we had no external camera pointed at the garden.
I had heard my German Shepard yelp a little in the middle of the night, but I thought that she was just having a bad dream. If only I had taken the effort to go down to see if everything was okay - perhaps I could have prevented all this. I do feel quite guilty about this because I could have at least saved a portion of the fish.
It’s hard, but with situations like these we have to acknowledge the pain of loss and confusion, accept the circumstances to be able to move on. Often times when something shitty happens, our mental selves are still in denial and we refuse to face the truth / reality. So we try our best to push away the feelings, bury or suppress them. Most times, people use alcohol to do it. I personally use exercise (which is a little better because it’s a healthy outlet to vent out your pent up energy) - but it’s still not the way to go.
Sometimes, it helps to talk it out with your close friends or loved ones. True acceptance though, comes with a lot of self understanding and reflection.
“Acceptance is to be okay whatever the outcome is; to be balanced and centred about it; to step back and to see the grander scheme of things. We don’t always get what we want, but sometimes what is happening is for the best. The sooner you can accept it as a reality, the sooner you can adapt to it.” - Naval Ravikant
Achieving acceptance is very difficult. It usually takes a bit of time for you to finally come to terms with the situation.
- Write down what you’re suffering from now, trace out the growth and improvement that came from that years later! You’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come.
- Learn to mentally ask: what is the positive of this situation? Even if you can’t come up with something positive, listen and learn to what the universe can teach you!
Fortunately, the brain is a muscle we can train, and habits can be easily formed with enough practice. With constant practice, you can eventually change your immediate response on how you respond to things and accept them without suffering too much.
My parents are great at this. They accepted the situation very quickly and were pretty logical about the next steps - they’ve decided to build a large deck over the pond, so construction will begin once the Covid situation gets better, because who knows, the otters may come back anyway. I love that there is so much wisdom I can continue to pick up from my parents!
Till next week!